Do You Actually Like Me?

A clear winter day, a long corridor. Ding Hanbai and Ji Shenyu ran into each other. The former was calm and composed, asking, “How was it? Am I an outstanding artist or what?”

The latter stared wide-eyed, shoving the booklet back and returning it to its owner. “You’re messing with me. I won’t hold it against you this time.” Ji Shenyu was fierce in appearance but timid inside. “Master and Madam are so respectable, how did they raise a rogue like you?”

Ding Hanbai said, “What does it have to do with those two old folks? Weren’t you the one who seduced me?” He flipped it open casually, in broad daylight, right in front of the lilacs and the Lucky Bamboo. “This position is called Guanyin Sits on the Lotus. The advantage is that it allows for deep entry. And this one is called—”

Ji Shenyu lunged to cover his mouth, using brute force, truly showing no tenderness. Ding Hanbai caught him in an embrace, closed the booklet, and said, “Zhenzhu, I stayed up all night drawing this. Strong tea couldn't keep me awake; I relied entirely on thinking of you.”

What little self-control Ji Shenyu had left was almost gone. He was like a rabbit dropped into a pot of boiling water, yet his steps as he tried to flee were unsteady. He wished he could find a hole in the courtyard and dive into it to escape. Running about in such a disorderly fashion, he once again knocked over the perennially unlucky Lucky Bamboo.

He still wanted to hide. When faced with Ding Hanbai, his second reaction was always to hide.

His first reaction, however, was to look. Secretly, stealthily, like a little thief with a heart full of secrets, unable to resist looking at the treasure he adored.

This dose of amorous, desire-stirring medicine from Ding Hanbai had a remarkable effect, but it was still an inch away from the fatal spot. After breakfast, with the finished square seal in his pocket, he dragged Ji Shenyu to the Antiques Market.

Daimao. They had both been there many times separately, but this was only the second time they had come together. Back then, he had said some things to Ji Shenyu and hidden even more, but by now, he had long since opened his heart.

The crowd gradually grew. Ding Hanbai found a bright, open spot. Others would casually spread felt cloths or old clothes on the ground, but not him. He unfolded a piece of dark-patterned satin brocade. A round, egg-shaped seal was placed on it, catching the sunlight, revealing every thread-like line and trace of age. Ji Shenyu stood to one side, holding a bottle of warm milk, quiet and saying nothing.

Ding Hanbai turned his face to look at him. “Why don’t you ask what I’m planning to do?”

He replied, “You said the stone seal would be sold at the Jade Pavilion, so you’re obviously not here to sell it today. I suppose it’s to build up hype?”

Ding Hanbai smiled, putting his hands in his pockets and waiting with ease. He had long admired Master Liang's prized disciple, hoping to befriend and collaborate with him, even fantasizing about becoming his confidant. After all the twists and turns, that person was now standing beside him, truly understanding his intentions.

The two of them were calm and composed, confident in their own skills and certain of the object's quality, like talented scholars awaiting the release of examination results, determined to win the titles of champion and runner-up.

People came and went endlessly, and the number of those who stopped to look gradually increased, all wanting a closer inspection. Ding Hanbai offered no explanation, letting the seal pass from person A to person D, until finally, A, B, C, and D were huddled together, murmuring.

“Hey, let me get a look!” an old man’s voice called out.

Ji Shenyu craned his neck to see an old man wearing sunglasses. He took them off, revealing one blind eye. He quickly looked at Ding Hanbai, who calmly put an arm around his back, pretending nothing had happened.

Zhang Sinian said, “What’s with the crowd? Did you unearth the Terracotta Army?”

The others laughed heartily, presenting the seal and asking him, Blind Zhang, to lend his expert eye. Zhang Sinian took it, turned it away from the light, and gently scraped it with a fingernail, smelling the substance he had collected. After examining it to his heart's content, he looked up at the two sellers and asked, “Aren’t you going to introduce it?”

Before Ding Hanbai could speak, someone said, “Looks like it’s real. You usually just need a glance from afar for fakes, and you put down high-quality forgeries right after looking. But you’re still asking questions after examining this piece, so it’s probably authentic.”

Another person said, “I was the first one here, no one can compete with me for it.”

There was no such thing as first-come, first-served; it was always the highest bidder who won. The atmosphere grew more heated. Ding Hanbai said, “Azure Dragon Teaching its Son. Suitable for a family heirloom. Passed from father to son, and from son to grandson. It’s a good omen.”

Zhang Sinian praised, “Whether the omen is good or not is another matter, but the carving skill is truly excellent.” He spent nearly all his days here but hadn't expected to see his own disciple setting up a stall. After handling it, he confirmed the seal was a counterfeit, but he wasn't sure if his good disciple needed him to act as a shill.

Ding Hanbai deliberately guided him, “The skilled hands of the ancients, of course the carving is good.”

Zhang Sinian understood and immediately asked for the price. This question stirred up a storm. The older people all knew he could appraise gold-inlaid jade even while blind, and they all began to bid fiercely, their eyes red with envy. Amid the clamor, high-pitched voices filled their ears. Ji Shenyu felt a tightening on his shoulder. Ding Hanbai said to him, “Take out the other one too.”

Two seals. One was a pale yellow that looked as if sprinkled with gold under the sun; the other was a pea-green, glowing with a soft light. With two appearing at once, the experienced crowd had to inquire about their origin. Unexpectedly, Ding Hanbai, an honest man, spoke plainly, “Their origin is genuine Balin Frosted Stone, carved by me, Ding Hanbai, one cut at a time.”

The crowd was in an uproar. Carved by a living person, and one with the surname Ding at that—even a fool would think of the Jade Pavilion. Zhang Sinian was extremely dramatic. “You carved it?! You carved these aged marks and this coloration too?!”

A white-haired old man said, “Blind Zhang, if even you can be fooled by this aging technique, could it be that Six-Fingers has come out of retirement?” The younger ones didn't know the story, but the older ones had heard of him and joked incessantly.

Ding Hanbai said, “My apologies, but the finishing touches were done by the Master Craftsman of the Jade Pavilion.”

Ji Shenyu felt a jolt. The craftsmen at the Jade Pavilion were ranked, and since Ding Hanbai used to just be an employee, the only "Master Craftsman" was Ding Yanshou. He savored a moment of vanity in this brief deception. No one was paying attention to him, so he quietly let his heart bloom with joy.

What surprised him was that even after it was revealed that the two seals were replicas, the crowd’s interest seemed to increase rather than diminish. As discussions buzzed around them, Ding Hanbai whispered in his ear, “The quality of a replica determines the onlookers' attitude. If it's not good enough, it only invites ridicule. But if it’s good enough, exceptionally good, then it elicits admiration.”

Ji Shenyu’s heart warmed. “Are you praising me in a roundabout way?”

Ding Hanbai said, “Is this roundabout? I’ve already praised you to the heavens.”

In the end, the seals were not sold. After showing them off enough, they were put away, with the declaration that anyone who wanted to buy them should go to the Jade Pavilion. In this manner, they visited every antiques market in the city. Eventually, Ji Shenyu suddenly realized this was a marketing tactic.

Next, they had to wait. In a city, every industry has its own circle—the education circle, the medical circle, and especially the antiques circle. They had to wait for the news to ferment, to let those two seals attract the attention of more people.

Snow finally began to fall, blanketing Yingchun Avenue in white. The Jade Pavilion was closed for temporary reorganization. Ding Hanbai instructed the staff to rearrange the merchandise, treating Ding Yanshou as if he were thin air. Ding Yanshou, for his part, was cooperative; the grand owner of the shop was hidden behind the counter, cutting out New Year pictures.

Ji Shenyu crouched beside Ding Yanshou, playing with a string of keys Ding Yanshou had unhooked. He pinched the smallest brass key and asked, “Master, is this for that box in the corner of the material storeroom?”

The box was said to contain only the finest jade, and only the Master Craftsman, Ding Yanshou, had the key. Ji Shenyu held it, reluctant to let go. Ding Yanshou said, “You like it that much? I’ll have a copy made for you in the future.”

Ji Shenyu was shocked. “Really? Wouldn’t that make me a Master Craftsman?!”

Ding Yanshou said with a laugh, “You and your Senior Brother will have to take charge sooner or later. Besides, our family values skill, not seniority.” Ever since he learned of Ji Shenyu's talent for forgery, he had thought a great deal about it, and in the end, he still felt that carving was the most stable path.

Ji Shenyu understood Ding Yanshou’s dilemma. He took the scissors and began cutting red paper. As he cut, he said, “Master, I’ll cut you a ‘surplus year after year.’ Next year, I’ll cut you a tree full of peaches and plums, and the year after, a soaring dragon and leaping tiger... I want to be a Master Craftsman, and I also want to cut New Year pictures for you every year.”

Ding Yanshou turned to look at him, and he grinned. The scene of their first meeting at his home in Yangzhou was still vivid in his mind. After the funeral and burial, he had been kicked out of his home before he could even take off his mourning armband. Ding Yanshou had said at the time, "Come with Master," and so he had come.

He had come expecting to work like an ox, only to find a life of comfort and ease.

Ji Shenyu couldn’t help but look towards Ding Hanbai. This father and son... one had shown him kindness, the other affection. He was truly in a bind. As he stood there dazed, Ding Hanbai approached with his coat, a roguish grace in his features. “I’m going to find Sister Min. I won’t be home for dinner tonight.”

‘He’s going out to have fun, as expected,’ Ji Shenyu thought.

Ding Yanshou said, “Go ahead. After dinner, go see a movie. Don’t just buy things for yourself; buy her a gift too.”

Ding Hanbai was just preparing for the future; official recruitments always set trends, and he wanted the Museum's planning documents for the coming spring. When asking for a favor, treating someone to a meal and keeping them company was unavoidable. “I know. How about I just buy all her New Year’s goods for her?” He understood Ding Yanshou’s meaning but didn't explain, his peripheral vision on Ji Shenyu. “Anyway, we’re going to be a while. It’s been a long time, I kind of miss her.”

With that, he left, grabbing his coat and dangling the keys. Though it was a cold, snowy winter, he looked as pleased as if it were a spring day.

It wasn't until the roar of the engine outside faded into the distance that Ji Shenyu finally looked up, staring at the doorway in a daze. He put down the red paper and scissors and trudged off to the machine room to bury himself in hard work, hoping to become a Master Craftsman sooner.

He drew a shape—an old man with a staff, a young boy holding a zither—and wondered if Ding Hanbai had picked up Shang Minru yet. Then he drew distant mountains and nearby water, green trees and an old well, and pondered what Ding Hanbai would take Shang Minru to eat. Would they have zhajiangmian? If Shang Minru wanted something else, would Ding Hanbai indulge her?

If Shang Minru got sauce on her mouth, would Ding Hanbai reach out and wipe it for her?

Ji Shenyu finished drawing in the early afternoon and began to lightly carve out the rough form. He heard the staff members say the snow was getting heavier. But no matter how heavy, it couldn't compare to the spectacular snowfields of Inner Mongolia. He paused, wiping his carving drill. How could he not think of the day they went horse riding?

What was Ding Hanbai doing right now? Admiring the snow and chatting with Shang Minru in a park? If Shang Minru accidentally fell, would Ding Hanbai use the opportunity to fall down with her in his arms? When their faces turned towards each other, what kind of lines would Ding Hanbai come up with? Ji Shenyu couldn’t control himself, his imagination running wild like a field of lotus leaves. The drill slipped, and only then did he realize his palms were slick with a fine sweat.

When the shop closed at dark, the rough carving was barely a third done. After getting off the bus, he walked along Sha'er Street and saw that Ding Hanbai’s car wasn’t at the entrance. The snow was thick, and his steps were slow and plodding. Suddenly, a sharp pain on his back shoulder told him he’d been hit by a snowball.

Jiang Ting'en ran over. “You walk so slow, like a little turtle.”

Ji Shenyu nodded absently, even admitting to being a turtle. Jiang Ting'en chattered on, “Why are you so gloomy? I hit you, and you didn't even react. Let’s go hit the second and third brothers later. I need to find a pair of gloves first. Little Aunt spent all winter knitting a pair for Big Brother. Women are all so biased.”

Ji Shenyu finally reacted. “Little Aunt knitted me a pair. I’ll lend you one.”

Jiang Ting'en grumbled about Jiang Caiwei all the way, something about not doting on her own nephew. When he saw the so-called gloves Ji Shenyu had, he was shocked. “How are these for you? These were obviously knitted for Big Brother!”

Ji Shenyu denied it, insisting they were knitted for him.

Jiang Ting'en hollered all over the room, “When Little Aunt bought the yarn, she said Big Brother likes gray, and she was going to add a trim of gray rabbit fur for him to wear when he rides his bike to work.” He moved closer and compared them. “This size is clearly for Big Brother’s hands. Aren’t they big on you?”

Ji Shenyu struggled for a defense. “They’re big because they need more cotton stuffing. They’ll fit just right once they’re stuffed.”

Jiang Ting'en muttered, “They’re stuffed quite a bit. You can’t even bend your fingers.”

The gloves were borrowed, and Ji Shenyu sat on the edge of his bed, bewildered. Jiang Ting'en's words had been so confident that he had to believe them. But regardless of who they were originally intended for, they had been given to him in the end, and he was still grateful to Jiang Caiwei.

The snow fell endlessly. Ding Hanbai, with Shang Minru in tow, went in and out of restaurants and department stores, shopping endlessly. In reality, Shang Minru, wearing high heels, had been tired for a long time. She had suggested calling it a night and going home several times, but he had rejected her each time.

He couldn't pass up such a good opportunity to provoke that heartless person.

After a late-night snack, Shang Minru yawned repeatedly. “I’ve promised to give you the documents, and I’ll even throw in a few promotional brochures. Can we end this now?”

Ding Hanbai looked at his watch. “Whoa, it’s already past ten. Don’t hate me if you’re late for work tomorrow.” He drove Shang Minru home, but still kept the car doors locked when they arrived. “Sister, what perfume are you using?”

Shang Minru took it out of her bag. “Pine and jasmine.”

Ding Hanbai snatched it, pretended to examine it, and then sprayed it vigorously, dousing half his body. Shang Minru asked strangely, “What are you doing... Why are you spraying my perfume on yourself so late at night?”

Ding Hanbai said, “Little Aunt’s birthday is coming up. I’m thinking of getting her a bottle, just doing some research.”

The exhausting date finally ended. It wasn’t until Shang Minru was inside that she realized Jiang Caiwei was born in the middle of summer. What kind of birthday was she celebrating in the dead of winter?

Drenched in the scent of perfume, Ding Hanbai dawdled until he got home at eleven. He feigned drunkenness, lightening his steps as he approached the archway. He coughed once and immediately heard hurried footsteps in the courtyard, as if someone was hiding from him.

Ji Shenyu bolted into the room. He had been waiting since eight o’clock, waiting all this time. The snow was covered in his footprints, the stone table covered in his handprints. Ding Hanbai's cough had scared the soul out of him.

Ding Hanbai stood for a moment, then entered the courtyard to see all the lights out, a pitch-black scene. “Zhenzhu—” he drew out the name, feigning his drunken state, “—asleep? I have some good news to tell you—”

The door creaked open. Ji Shenyu, huddled under the covers, listened as the footsteps approached. He held his breath and squinted his eyes, playing dead like someone encountering a bear. Ding Hanbai stopped by the bed, turned on the table lamp, and said to himself, “I’m a bit late, but it’s a date, so that’s unavoidable.”

Ji Shenyu opened his eyes, not wanting to listen to this person’s nonsense.

Ding Hanbai continued unhurriedly, “I know you’re not asleep, so I won’t wait until tomorrow to say it.” He glanced over, his voice deepening. “I’ve been pestering you these past few days. I guess it’s a case of wanting what you can’t have. I was obsessed. But thinking about it carefully, it’s not like I can’t live without it, and it caused you a lot of trouble. I’m sorry.”

Ji Shenyu’s heart suddenly panicked... What did Ding Hanbai mean by this?

“From now on, let’s go back to how we were before. Senior Brother and Junior Brother, getting along well. I won’t bother you again,” Ding Hanbai said. “I guess what I felt wasn't really love. I think I probably prefer Sister Min after all.”

Ji Shenyu’s mind went blank. He had waited and worried all night, only to receive this kind of “good news.” Then he heard Ding Hanbai say goodnight, the footsteps fading away... He clutched the blanket, his heart, and a billion nerves. The one thing he no longer had to agonize over was this affection.

Because at this moment, he had already lost it.

“Ding Hanbai!” he shouted, bursting out from under the covers.

It wasn't enough. He rushed to the door to block the man's path. Ding Hanbai looked at him calmly, blinked, and waited for his question. His legs felt a bit weak. He said in a daze, “You smell so nice.”

Ding Hanbai said, “Mmm, perfume.”

He asked, “How close do you have to be to pick up such a strong scent?”

Ding Hanbai replied, “An embrace is naturally close.”

Ji Shenyu’s eyes shot up, half his confidence gone. A soft, fragrant woman was surely more comfortable to hold than him. He dejectedly went to crawl back into bed, but Ding Hanbai was relentless. “In a couple of years, when Sister Min and I get married, it won’t be convenient for you to live in this courtyard anymore—”

Ji Shenyu finally couldn't take it anymore. “You’re not married yet, it’s too early to say that!” He turned back and rushed in front of Ding Hanbai, head tilted up, his eyebrows practically twisted into knots. “When that day really comes, do you think I’d shamelessly refuse to leave? Do you think this is some golden nest or silver den? Don’t you worry. Not only will I move out efficiently, I’ll even carve you a ‘Dragon Playing with Phoenix’!”

Ding Hanbai said, “Whether it’s a ‘Dragon Playing with Phoenix’ or a ‘May you have a son soon,’ whatever you gift, I’ll display.”

Ji Shenyu was defeated. He could never win an argument against him, so he might as well not argue. But he wanted to beg for a shred of comfort. “When you said you liked me before, was it all a lie?”

Asking this was like tearing his heart open. Since it couldn't be healed, he might as well throw caution to the wind. He summoned his courage. “True or not, you said it. Whatever I gift, you’ll display? To hell with your ‘May you have a son soon’... I’ll give your wife a green hat!”

Ding Hanbai’s nerves jolted, and he fought to suppress his impulse. He watched as Ji Shenyu’s thin lips pressed together and moved closer, climbing onto his shoulders, nuzzling into the crook of his neck, his mouth chattering nonstop. “You bastard, you’ve said all the words of confession, you were afraid of hurting me, you wanted to protect me, you even wanted to give me a share of the family business. Have you told your wife that?”

“You gave me a moon, saved a piece of jujube pastry for me, and traded a field of roses for a seal. Does your wife know that?”

“You kissed me and touched me, my mouth and tongue have been thoroughly ravaged by you, and you locked the doors and windows to inspect my private parts. You even drew me that erotic art! Do you dare confess that to your wife?!”

If he endured any longer, he’d become a Buddha on the spot. Ding Hanbai scooped Ji Shenyu up, as if possessed by a fierce urge. “So this bastard has done that many bad things? But you’re the one who started it today. Say ‘wife’ one more time, and I’ll perform my husbandly duties with you tonight!”

Ji Shenyu was utterly stunned, and in the blink of an eye, he was carried to the bed by Ding Hanbai. Playing hard to get?! He understood in an instant, so ashamed he tried to crawl to the other side of the bed. Ding Hanbai grabbed his ankle, captured him, and entangled him. The world was turned upside down, and the dim light from the lamp wasn't nearly enough to hide his blush.

Ding Hanbai pressed down on him. “If I didn't provoke you to your limit, you’d keep your head in your shell until next year, wouldn’t you?”

He couldn’t love quietly and give silently, much less wrong himself for the sake of others’ opinions. He liked Ji Shenyu so much, so of course he had to make Ji Shenyu like him back. He had said a basketful of harsh words, using both hard and soft tactics to wait for this moment, and he had finally, truly, pushed the other to his limit. To hell with being senior and junior brothers, he wanted to be a respectful, loving couple!

“Zhenzhu,” he asked, “do you actually like me or not?”

Ji Shenyu turned his head away, lacking the courage to face this immoral love. Senior and Junior Brother, the son of his benefactor and adoptive father... Layers upon layers of mountains blocked his path. Suddenly, he turned his head back, wrapped his arms around Ding Hanbai’s neck, and gazed into Ding Hanbai’s eyes. Even a moth dares to fly into a flame, so what was he afraid of?

Even if he crashed and burned, he would accept it. If he had to betray his master in the future and suffer retribution, he would accept that too.

Ji Shenyu said, “Senior Brother, I like you. I’ve liked you for a long time.”

Ding Hanbai went wild, embracing him, kneading him forcefully, showering him with dense kisses. What a beautiful “Senior Brother.” He had been a Senior Brother from summer to winter; from now on, he would be a loving partner.

He wanted his heart, he wanted his body, he wanted this entire lifetime.

Ji Shenyu clung to him like vines twining around branches, a sacrificial posture, with words full of passion. He had been forced to the edge of a cliff, yet he saw Ding Hanbai as his only hope for survival. He was truly a bad person, but who was to blame for him being so bad? He could blame the heavens, he could blame the earth, he could blame this little southern barbarian for always ramming into his heart, but he just couldn't blame himself!

Ding Hanbai said, “Once you’ve promised me, there’s no going back.”

Ji Shenyu replied, “I’ll give you everything.”

Red eyes, a soft sigh, a choked, low murmur.

When he woke from his dream, he would be able to lean against him and watch the heavy snow fall.