Mimetic Life

Song Yu didn't respond to him, as usual.

Most of the time, Yue Zhishi didn't need a response. It had been like that ever since he was little. He would release his affection for his brother anytime, anywhere, without hindrance, and he didn't think there was anything inappropriate about expressing his feelings.

But now, he had changed a little. Occasionally, he hoped his brother would respond a bit. Even if it was a decisive rejection like when they were children, telling him, "I don’t like it when you talk like that, don’t do it again."

He said nothing, which made Yue Zhishi want to guess. But he didn't like guessing.

The allergy symptoms didn't flare up, but he still took a pill just in case. That night, Yue Zhishi tossed and turned, only managing to fall asleep around two in the morning.

He had a very strange dream. At first, he was lying on a beautiful grassy field. The sky was low, with wisps of clouds floating by. He reached out a hand, and a dark cloud descended, pressing down on him without leaving any gap. For a moment, Yue Zhishi could barely breathe. He tried to struggle free, but the cloud gathered into a human shape—a tall male figure with no face, yet the feeling it gave him was very familiar.

The airtight, illicit-like embrace suffocated him. A near-death sensation, like an attack, pressed on all his nerves. But strangely, he was forced to feel a certain peculiar sensation from this suffocation.

At the end, the cloud in his dream unexpectedly turned into a pool of warm rain, drenching him. At five in the morning, Yue Zhishi startled awake from his dream.

For many days after, Yue Zhishi tried to learn more by searching online. He didn't want to remain shrouded in ignorant curiosity and fear. He read many articles, took many tests, and also watched many movies by himself. Most were arthouse films, with beautiful cinematography and moving stories. But the more he watched, the more confused Yue Zhishi became.

He looked at pictures of so-called "highly attractive" men online but didn't feel much. He took test after test, but the results were always vague and not always consistent.

All of this left Yue Zhishi feeling perplexed.

His confusion was always very obvious. He would often furrow his brow and zone out. When watching TV dramas with Lin Rong, he would stare blankly at the scenes between the male and female leads, or wear a serious, probing expression, as if he desperately needed someone to give him an answer. So, on a family outing one day, Song Yu said to Yue Zhishi, who was staring blankly at a field of lotus flowers, "Do you still remember the fortune you drew?"

Yue Zhishi turned his head, holding a quiet Cotton Candy in his arms, and looked at him with some confusion.

"Let nature take its course," Song Yu said.

He vaguely felt that Song Yu understood him, that he knew why he was feeling lost. And he had always relied on Song Yu, holding nothing back from him.

"I don't really want to be different from others." Yue Zhishi honestly told Song Yu his thoughts, his palm gently stroking Cotton Candy's fluffy head. "It's weird."

"Why?"

The moment Song Yu asked, Cotton Candy scampered away at Lin Rong's call.

Yue Zhishi sat on the grass by the lake, picked up a whole lotus pod, and shelled a few tender lotus seeds from it. "Even when I was little, I looked different from others, so I always got special attention. Now that I'm older, I don't want to be too out of the ordinary." He peeled off the tender green skin, revealing the white, tender lotus seed, and handed it to Song Yu.

Song Yu took it but didn't eat it. He thought to himself that Yue Zhishi was about to start high school and face new and different social circles, so it was normal for him to worry. The two sat side by side. It was late June, the season when lotus flowers first began to bloom. The wind flipped over a lotus leaf, hiding a newly emerged, trembling flower bud. Song Yu spoke in a low voice, "Do you know what the most contradictory thing about people is?"

Yue Zhishi shook his head, gazing at his side profile.

"To avoid certain kinds of harm, we imitate the lifestyles of the majority, making ourselves the same as others, fitting in. This is a human social survival instinct, just like mimicry in nature. For self-preservation, animals have also learned through evolution to blend in with their environment, which makes them safer."

"Mhm."

"But humans are much more complex than animals." Song Yu gazed at the distant lake water. "Sometimes, we harbor an expectation, thinking that we are different from others. We occasionally desire to be more special, not wanting to be part of the unremarkable majority. And so, people get caught in an internal struggle, a contradiction. To eliminate the contradiction, you need to let go of something."

As he spoke, he looked at Yue Zhishi. "If you'd rather be lost in the crowd, you have to give up the part of you that refuses to be mediocre."

Yue Zhishi also looked up at him, his light-colored pupils clear and translucent. Even his dark brown eyelashes were rendered semi-transparent by the shimmering sunlight.

In his eyes was the hesitation of thought.

Having said what he needed to say, Song Yu turned his face away. Song Jin called him from behind, asking him to get some new fish bait. Song Yu answered and stood up.

He had only taken two steps when Yue Zhishi couldn't help but turn and call out to him.

"Then what do you think I should choose?"

Behind him, a lone flower bud swayed restlessly in the warm breeze.

Song Yu stopped and half-turned. "You have to decide for yourself. I can't give you any particularly useful advice. Because in my opinion, you don't have a choice."

Yue Zhishi furrowed his brows in confusion.

"You were born special." Song Yu raised an eyebrow. "Weren't you?"

The lakeside wind blew apart the wildly growing flowers and grass, dispersing the lingering mist of the wetland park. The round leaves covering the entire lake surface swayed, separating and overlapping. The pond of lotuses transformed from scattered buds into a lake full of blooming flowers. In the high summer of late August, everything became clear.

The news of the college entrance exam results was trending. Such a momentous event made even those not involved nervous, but Song Yu alone was calm and composed. When checking his score, it was as if he were doing it on someone else's orders, looking completely unconcerned. Yue Zhishi, on the other hand, was urging and begging, anxious on his behalf.

The score he got was as calm as he was. Even his homeroom teacher called to congratulate him, saying that getting into T University would be no problem, and gave Song Yu a lot of advice on his application. After the homeroom teacher's call, another call came from the school leadership. Song Yu later couldn't be bothered to deal with it, claimed to be sick, and left it all for Lin Rong to handle.

Yue Zhishi was a hundred times happier than Song Yu, even more excited than when he learned his own score was high enough to guarantee a spot in Peiya High School's Rocket Class. He immediately sent a message to Jiang Yufan to show off, adding that his brother had only lost two points in math, emphasizing it twice.

Hearing that his son had done well on the exam, Song Jin also rushed back from the company, saying they should celebrate. But he also knew that Song Yu didn't like being flashy, so for the time being, they didn't throw a big celebratory dinner party. After discussing with Lin Rong, they decided to have a private celebration behind closed doors before he filled out his university application.

"These are all your favorite dishes, eat up, eat up." Lin Rong took out a bottle of red wine and put it in ice to chill. "Since it's a happy day, we can have a little drink. Lele can't drink."

Yue Zhishi was very open-minded. "It's okay, I prefer Sprite."

Song Jin stood by the table, carving a roasted rack of lamb while asking Song Yu, "Have you had your eye on a school for a while? You've been quiet for so long, you should tell us now."

Yue Zhishi cared more about Song Yu's answer than anyone. He thought about what Xia Zhixu had said before, about them going to Beijing for university. He wanted to know if Song Yu would also go somewhere so far away.

Even his homeroom teacher and the Senior High Division leaders had advised him to do so; Song Yu would probably go, right?

Lin Rong brought out three wine glasses and joked, "If you really go to T University or P University, we'll still have to treat everyone to a meal. Although I don't really want to see my sister-in-law and the others, it can't be helped. It's proper for relatives and friends to get together..."

"I'm not going to Beijing." Song Yu sat in his chair, perfectly calm. "I want to apply to W University."

"Your score..."

"There's no such thing as a score that requires you to go to a certain university, only a major and a university you truly want to attend."

Song Jin was clearly not expecting this. His expression changed slightly due to the surprise, but he still showed an understanding attitude. "That's fine, if you've already made up your mind."

"W University is good too." Lin Rong's mindset shifted quickly. Schools like T University and P University were the top choices in any parent's heart, but she was also very happy to learn that her son was willing to stay in the city. Plus, Lin Rong knew Song Yu's personality; he always prepared thoroughly before making an announcement. She didn't want to seem too opposed, so she smoothed things over, saying, "W University is close to home. You can come back whenever you want. I think that's great."

Yue Zhishi was very happy inside, but he also knew how to read the room and didn't interject too much.

"So, have you decided which major you want to choose?" Song Jin asked.

"Surveying and Mapping." Song Yu replied. "I've already taught myself quite a bit this summer and have the basics down. I've also mastered some related computer knowledge in advance to help me get up to speed faster after enrolling." He looked at Song Jin and elaborated, "W University is the best for this major. Not only is it ranked number one, but its academic resources and research depth are as well. And I've already looked into the future academic directions."

Song Yu was more mature than his peers, something they as parents had long expected, but Song Jin was still somewhat surprised. He hadn't expected Song Yu to have already planned out his future.

What he expected even less was that this was the major Song Yu wanted to study.

For a moment, Song Jin couldn't quite control his expression, and Yue Zhishi saw it all.

"That's all for later. It's fine, as long as our son has thought it through." Lin Rong urged Song Jin to sit down. "Let's celebrate first."

During the meal, Yue Zhishi asked Song Yu many questions, like what surveying and mapping was, what they studied, and what he would do after graduating. Song Yu gave him relatively concise answers one by one, giving him a general idea.

"No wonder." Yue Zhishi suddenly grabbed Song Yu's wrist. "The drawing you gave me last time."

Song Yu pulled his hand away. "Hurry up and eat."

"What drawing?" Lin Rong interjected teasingly. "You two have more and more little secrets now."

"No, I tell you everything."

"I don't believe you. Then tell me if you have a little girl you like."

Yue Zhishi gave a dry laugh. "Really, I don't."

Song Jin also started laughing. "What kind of mother are you, gossiping every day about whether your kid is in a puppy love relationship."

"It's perfectly normal. If you tell me, I can guide you, give you some advice or something."

Song Yu placed a piece of beef in Lin Rong's bowl. "Let's eat."

"Xiao Yu is fed up with me again!"

"..."

After dinner, Yue Zhishi and Song Yu bathed Cotton Candy together. The dry Pomeranian was fluffy, like a puffy cloud, but shrank as soon as it got wet, its size reduced by half. Cotton Candy hated baths and always tried every trick to escape, so one of them had to hold him while the other washed him.

Halfway through the bath, Yue Zhishi was mostly soaked. Song Jin appeared at the downstairs bathroom door and said in a gentle tone, "Song Yu, come with me for a moment."

Song Yu was called out, leaving only Yue Zhishi and Cotton Candy in the bathroom. Both of them were dripping wet, and both were equally nervous.

The one who wasn't nervous, however, was Song Yu. He had already anticipated that his father would call him for a talk, so he wasn't surprised. Song Jin grabbed a basketball and went downstairs, taking his son to the community basketball court.

The two of them played casually, one on defense, the other on offense, switching after a basket. Song Yu always remembered that it was Song Jin who had taught him the rules of basketball when he was a child, telling him that this sport required not just explosive power, but also the ability to remain calm.

"It's been too long since we played together." Song Jin stood in the middle of the court and took a shot. The basketball followed a parabolic arc into the hoop, wobbled, and fell through, hitting the ground. He shook his head, hands on his hips. "I can't do it anymore. Dad's getting old, my stamina can't keep up with you."

Song Yu picked up the ball, went to the vending machine on the side of the court, bought two sports drinks, and handed one to his father. The two sat down to rest. Facing the empty court, Song Jin sighed. "I still remember when we used to play here. We were face to face too. You were on defense, and you really wanted to win, wanted to steal the ball from me, but in your haste, you slapped the ball away, and it hit your little brother right on the head."

Thinking back on the scene, Song Jin laughed. "It stunned Lele. He plopped right down on the ground and didn't get up for a long time. He didn't cry either, just stared blankly at the ball on the ground."

After saying that, he looked at Song Yu. "You were scared back then too, weren't you?"

Song Yu was silent, which was a tacit admission. The memory of that scene was already hazy, but he could still recall his own nervousness at the time. He had been so nervous that he couldn't even remember Yue Zhishi's reaction.

"But he didn't seem to mind much. You ran over to him, he mumbled something, and I think he wanted you to hug him, wouldn't get up without a hug." Song Jin smiled. "Lele's personality is so much like his dad's. He'll definitely be just like your Uncle Le when he grows up. Don't be fooled by how he seems not to understand anything, like a little kid. He actually has a good grasp of many things, he just doesn't like to overthink."

Song Yu knew his father was right, but he always unconsciously treated Yue Zhishi like a child. Even though he knew he had grown up, he would still, from time to time, treat him as someone who needed protection, as if he could derive some sort of pleasure from it. In reality, there was none; all he got was a burden that grew by the day.

"Tell me what you're thinking." Song Jin tapped Song Yu's bottle with his own. "Why do you want to study this major? It's related to your Uncle Le, isn't it?"

Song Yu gazed at his father and realized he actually understood everything.

"I think Yue Zhishi is a lot like you, too," Song Yu said suddenly.

Song Jin knew he wasn't changing the subject and smiled. "He's also a lot like your mother. After all, he's the child we raised. You, on the other hand, seem to have grown up on your own, not needing us much."

Song Yu shook his head, denying his father's statement. "I need you all very much. Every one of you." It was a rare moment of honesty, but he could only say so much.

A breeze picked up, the shadows of the trees around the court swayed, and the cicadas chirped loudly. Song Jin asked, "I actually know you've liked things like astronomy and geography since you were little, probably because of your Uncle Le too. When you were young, I was busy starting my business, and Le Yi took you to many places, to climb mountains and see the sea."

As he spoke, he put an arm around Song Yu's shoulder. "Thinking about it, my son is really amazing, following him all over the country at such a young age. You must have seen a lot of scenery that many adults have never seen."

In truth, Song Yu was the person in the family who was least willing to bring up Le Yi. To him, Le Yi was like another father figure who had shown him different worlds during his formative years.

He would never forget Le Yi standing on a mountaintop, shouting into the swirling clouds and mist, wishing for everyone around him to be happy.

Wishing for his future child to be happy too.

Song Jin smiled and said, "Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if he were still alive. He was such a great talker, such a good person. If Lele had been raised by them, would he be better off than he is now?" He paused, then added, "That's why your mother and I are raising Lele so seriously. We always feel like that guy Le Yi is watching from heaven."

He looked at Song Yu. "Think about how good he was to you when you were little. If he were here, how much he would dote on Lele."

A stinging sensation rose in Song Yu's nose. He felt a resistance to delving deeper into this topic, as if caught in a dilemma. On one hand, he knew that if this hypothetical were true, Yue Zhishi would definitely be happier. But on the other hand, he couldn't imagine a world where a Yue Zhishi existed who hadn't grown up with him, completely independent of his own life.

'How terrifying,' Song Yu thought.

"When I heard you say today that you wanted to study surveying and mapping, and that you want to do research in this field in the future, I felt a little resistant inside." Song Jin spoke openly to him. "You probably guessed."

"You're afraid it's not safe." Song Yu knew he would think that. After all, no matter how advanced modern technology was, fieldwork was unavoidable for surveyors and mappers, and they could face very dangerous terrain.

Song Jin nodded. "You know, don't you? What happened to your Uncle Le still casts a bit of a shadow over me."

He was being too subtle. Song Yu knew it was much more than "a bit."

"It's still different," Song Yu explained. "In any case, it will be a long time before I can do fieldwork. It's too early to talk about this. Besides, a job is different from a hobby, and the level of safety measures is also different."

Of course, Song Jin knew all this. Times were different now; fieldwork wasn't as common anymore.

Ultimately, it was just a mental block for him.

He patted Song Yu's knee and sighed. "Go ahead. Even if Dad is worried, I'll still support you." After speaking, he revealed a smile. "It would be even better if you could rely on us more in the future."

Song Yu lowered his eyes and nodded.

Song Jin's phone rang. It was a message from his wife, urging him to come home. He stood up and stretched. "Let's go get some ice cream for your mom."

"Okay."

"By the way, you probably don't know this, but it was your Uncle Le who set your mother and me up back in the day."

Song Yu indeed didn't know; no one had ever mentioned it. "Really?"

"Your mom had good prospects and was beautiful; there were so many guys chasing her." Song Jin joked. "Although your dad, me, was also handsome and well-built, my family's financial situation was a bit lacking, much worse than your Uncle Le's. When we were in university, he knew I liked your mom, and your mom was also a little interested in me. I was too shy to pursue her. It was all Le Yi who egged me on, running back and forth between us. It wasn't easy, but we finally got together."

"Without your Uncle Le, maybe you wouldn't even be here." Under the streetlight, Song Jin's smile held a hint of nostalgia, which gradually faded as he said something that sounded like a sigh.

"The big lucky star is gone, but he left our family a little lucky star. That's pretty good too, isn't it?"

Song Yu looked at the shadows on the ground, long and short, passing through the shadows of the trees. He nodded.

"Mhm."

After buying the ice cream, right before going upstairs, Song Jin suddenly received a call from a foreign businessman. He handed the convenience store bag to Song Yu, telling him to go up first while he finished the call.

So Song Yu went home alone, handed over the ice cream his father had bought for his mother, refused to be subjected to his mother's public displays of affection, and went upstairs by himself. Who would have known that as he passed Yue Zhishi's room, the bedroom door would suddenly open, startling him.

Yue Zhishi was standing at his doorway. "Brother Song Yu, are you okay?"

Song Yu was baffled. "Are you okay?" After speaking, he prepared to head to his own room, but to his surprise, Yue Zhishi pulled him in and shut the door.

"What are you doing?" Before he could figure out the situation, he was pushed directly against the bedroom door by Yue Zhishi. Yue Zhishi pressed one hand against Song Yu's ribs and gripped the doorknob with the other.

"Did Uncle Song just pull you outside to lecture you?" Yue Zhishi looked into his eyes, his gaze very certain. "He doesn't seem to support you going to W University."

"No."

"If you say no, it definitely means yes." Yue Zhishi thought he had it all figured out. "What did Uncle Song say? Does he want you to go to T University?"

Just now, while blow-drying Cotton Candy, he had overheard Lin Rong on the phone with her best friend, also lamenting the fact that Song Yu didn't want to go to T University.

Everyone said it was fine, that he could go anywhere, but deep down they still wanted to persuade Song Yu to reconsider, right?

The more he thought about it, the more certain he became. Yue Zhishi let go of Song Yu's hand, opened the bedroom door, and prepared to go out. "I'll go talk to Uncle Song for you. I can convince him."

He had just stepped one foot out when Song Yu grabbed him and pulled him back. "Get back here."

Yue Zhishi stood face to face with him. Seeing the somewhat helpless expression on Song Yu's face, he couldn't help but ask, "Why do you look like you want to laugh but can't?"

'You're quite perceptive now, aren't you.' Song Yu released his hand. "What on earth are you thinking about?"

"I'm thinking about you."

Song Yu froze for a moment.

Yue Zhishi's tone was almost too sincere. "When you said at the dinner table that you wanted to apply for the surveying and mapping major, I felt like Uncle Song and Auntie Rong weren't very supportive. If it were me, and I saw everyone reacting like that, I would definitely feel defeated. Who doesn't want the path they choose to be approved of?"

"So?" Song Yu looked at him.

He looked up, his eyes firm. "I support you. I'll always support you. When you were gone just now, I looked it up. The best school for surveying and mapping is W University; some people say it's number one in Asia. And I also know that a lot of people don't know what they should study after the college entrance exam, but you're different. You've thought it through very clearly, and you can go to the best and most suitable place to study. I'm so happy. I don't want to see you change your decision because of what anyone says, because you're very mature. you know what you want, right?"

As he spoke, Yue Zhishi grabbed Song Yu's hand. Although even he didn't realize he had actually misjudged the situation, Song Yu could almost feel the heartbeat of that heart, so eager to convey its support.

"Brother, I'm always on your side."

In a daze, Song Yu recalled what had happened on the basketball court in their childhood. He finally remembered what Yue Zhishi, who he had knocked down onto the ground, had actually said at that time.

Little him had held back his tears and not cried. He even held out his arms and said to him, "Brother Xiao Yu, you can play basketball now, you're so amazing."

"Can you pick me up?"